Today is #NationalCatfishDay and in celebration of this, we’re giving you a cheeky insight into some of Vivids worst and weirdest dates. From Tinder to a night out to somebodies older brother, we’ve met them in both conventional and non conventional ways. Ok, so we get it’s about actual Catfish, but we thought this would be a little more fun. Still, another good story for Monday we guess – we all know modern day dating is not easy.
*All names will remain undisclosed for the safety of us Vividers and to protect the ‘datees’ from humiliation!
Story number 1 – I went on a date to Common in Northern Quarter, lovely place, I still go now sometimes, but I was meeting up with somebody for a ‘Tinder date’, which can either go really really well, or really really shit. Obviously, it went really really shit. We sat down, had a cheeky beverage, got talking and all was fab (although that could’ve been the shot I sank in Wetherspoons just prior to the date) but yeah, so far so good. He was a bit older than me and he then went on to tell me how he had an older ex girlfriend. Now, we all know the rule about brining up the ex, unless YOU bring it up, it’s a no go … Well if ex chat wasn’t far enough, he then showed me a PICTURE of her, coincidentally, we had the same hair cut, same hair colour and looked extremely similar, she basically looked like an older version of me. To make it even better, I gave the guy a second chance. We went for dinner, I paid for myself which I do not have any qualms doing, but then I also had to pay for his as his card declined. Can’t live with em, can’t live without em.
Story number 2 – I met this girl on Tinder, she seemed really nice, and we both agreed on a ‘get out of jail free’ card, meaning that if we wanted to leave, we can leave. I was running late and hadn’t eaten so I popped into McDonalds to get a cheese burger, when I got there, she informed me she hadn’t yet eaten. Alcohol and an empty stomach = not smart. So we met at a bar, had a bottle of wine which went down rather nicely so I ordered another, lo and behold this one went down nicely too. At this point we’re both a little tipsy, which is fine, so I ordered myself a whiskey and she said she’d have the same … after this she was completely wasted. She was dragging me around by my arm, pretty hard, and a few other people noticed how weird this was, so I had to use my get out of jail free card… and left. The next morning, I woke up to multiple abusive voicemails, calling me out for being a ‘C U Next Tuesday’. Safe to say we didn’t see each other again. #blocked
Story number 3 – Two dates, two different guys, two days … Oh and did I mention they were best friends?! So I went to the cinema with one of them to see Paranormal Activity, and the next day went on a date with his mate, and once again we went to see Paranormal Activity. We got to the till and he didn’t bring any money … So I had to pay for him to see the film … that I’d already seen the day before … with his friend.
Story number 4 – I matched this guy on Tinder, he wasn’t my usual type, but going for that type obviously wasn’t working so I thought, why not try an outside of the box strategy?! He was no David Gandy but personality is what counts, right? We’d exchanged flirty messages until I finally agreed to bite the bullet and meet up with him. We went to Dukes 92 for drinks which is a lovely dating place especially during Summer, but this doesn’t always guarantee first date greatness … Believe me. He talked (and wouldn’t stop) about the different jobs he was between, how he was a bit of a ladies man, how he bought tables in clubs and how he’d skip out on bills/ tabs … All the things I look for in a life partner, NOT! I’m all for a cheeky innuendo but this guy was borderline a complete sleaze ball, and he obviously had never heard of the ‘there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance’ saying. He kept hinting how he wanted to leave for some erm … ‘dessert’, and kept telling me how attractive he thought he was (hun I’m sat in front of you) and how I was obviously attracted to him so we might as well leave together. So I did. On my own. After this complete mare of a date, he asked me for a second one, informing me he’d let me know when his parents were out and he had a ‘free house’ . The guy was 30 *eye-role*. I politely declined and said I wasn’t feeling it, so he demanded I pay him half the money for our ‘date’, then told me I wasn’t worth the money and I was blatantly fridgid. You my friend, have swiftly been #unmatched.
Story number 5 – I went on a date with this guy, it was all lovely and we went back to his house, and got on very well. The night before, I obviously didn’t realise there was a Shakespearian plaque where we were, so I woke up to a rather large crowd of people taking tourist pictures.